Rape Kit
Liberals are always trying to find ways to give more tax money to welfare queens. The newest way these communists have thought up is in the form of rape kits. As the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, The Greatest Maveratrix Ever, Sarah Palin was able to bring attention to this twisted and wasteful social program and how it was damaging American values. She discovered how much money was being spent to perpetuate the dependence on a rape-based economy that many impressionable, young pre-mothers fell victim to. Men's groups have even pointed out how discriminatory these give-aways are toward families. Some people believe the original rape kits were based on the traditional Hollywood awards ceremony gift bag. What Perks Are Available In A Rape Kit These welfare kits are the lynchpin of the liberal rape-based economy. Like their ideological brethren, drug dealers, rape kit manufacturers give their clients the "first one free." This makes the client dependent on the dealer for their fix. It's an ugly business and has finally been exposed by legal scholars who recognize the spiral of dependency the rape kit created in another generation of pre-mothers. Available in the kits are: * a coupons for a free Netflix video * a bottle of Hilary Duff With Love perfume * $10-off a Planned Parenthood doctor visit * a vegan cookbook * a free pair of Croc-Brand shoes * a free variety pack of abortion pills * an autographed photo of the Spears sister of her choice * one large bowl of "medical marijuana" * a lifetime supply of Trojan condoms. Trojan condoms, when you slap The Baby Jesus in the face, the ribbing shows you care * a copy of the Qoran signed by Barack Obama * free breast implants * free brass stripper pole Controversy No real Americans want pre-mother Americans to indulge in sex for leisure or prizes as the rape kits have encouraged. But, liberals are addicted to big government and are so far down the tax-and-spend rabbit hole they can't stop throwing away American's hard-earned money. Who Is Fighting Against These Kits * certain Wasilla police chiefs * certain Alaska governors * insurance companies * certain preferred religions that love The Lord Thy God better than the ones that lubricate their slide into the very depths of hell with their blind hatred of everything sacred Who Is Fighting For Wasting American's Hard-Earned Money * liberals What Americans Can Do To Prevent Further Investment In These Kits Rape is a serious issue and many girls are not aware what they can do to end the rape-based economy. Parents of pre-mothers are advised to look for warning signs that indicate that their precious snowflake may be falling into a liberal mindset: * female child dresses provocatively-- the only way American parents can end this display is to cover the pre-mother's offensive and titillating flesh from the eyes of weak and wayward souls * female child talks provocatively-- American parents must monitor the conversations of their pre-mother's every waking moment (and in some instances the sleeping moments of their damaged offspring) with diligent surveillance and, when necessary, exorcism * female child exposed to provocative materials-- America's pre-mothers must remain pure until the sanctity of marriage not just in the hoohah, but in every other orifice as well. Parents are encouraged to monitor the comings and goings of their pre-mother's entries and exits for any sign of Satanic influences. Since women in Godly homes do not study medicine, it is up to the father to perform these nightly inspections External Tubes * Everything You've Ever Wanted To Know About Rape * The Free Market Solves Rape Kit Problem! And for the low low price of $2000, get two rapes and get your second rape kit free! * Company unveils new Rape Kit for "Him" series *The Stamford Marriott Hotel & Spa to give free samples *Innovative way to reduce rape kit demands! *Rape Kit discounts! *libural wymin demand more raep kits from nazis conservatives *Logging Company to donate Raep Kits *How no means: OH GOD, YES DO ME NOW! *Real American woman forcibly raep by undesirables *Liburals against pro-rape businesses Rape Kit businesses *GOP to fight off mandatory free rape kits on America's overseas businesses *GOP to continue to support pro-raep pro-business agendas *Rape Being a slut is a pre-existing condition